Saturday, March 27, 2010

Love me when I'm alive, not when cremated

Image sourced from Hubby Dan

Recently a very close friend of mine broke a "sad" news - her paternal grandmother passed away. I used the word sad with quotes because knowing her for so many years, it's nothing to be sad of. In fact, she was happy her grandmother died and now enjoying a great show of her uncles and aunts fighting over a small plot of land left behind by the old lady.

My friend is a victim of cultural extremism - loving only boys and loathing girls. The reason why she was despised by her paternal grandmother was purely because my friends mother gave birth to 2 girls - no boys. In old fashion families, sons are valued more than gold, diamonds or even petroleum! Unable to carry down the family name, the mother and her two daughters (including my friend) were constantly bullied. It was easy for me to advice her to make a police report, but it was difficult for her to act on because the culprits are her fathers siblings and mother.

She told me that her paternal grandfather once said that if her grandma dies, what's left of the property should be divided equally among children who are still staying there. That's why her aunts did not shift out of the wooden home which was originally designed to fit a family of 5. I advised her to move out because even her own paternal grandmother dislikes her, I doubt she would want her father to obtain a portion of the property. Furthermore, there is no value in the wooden house BUT the land where it sits on have a good market price. For such inheritance, it's not worth the fight.

Two years ago, she finally bought her own apartment unit. A small unit but at least it's comfortable enough for 4 people. So when her grandmother died, she was forced to cancel all good events - weddings, birthdays and parties because old folks believe when there is a death, there must be a 100 days mourning period before any good events can occur. But I don't believe such things so I sent her my wedding invitation.

She was surprised that despite knowing her grandmother passed away, I still invited her. She asked me if I don't mind even though there was a death of a relative? I replied her email in a simple sentence.
Treasure your loved ones only when they are alive, not when they are cremated.
My wedding is once in a lifetime (ironically so is death),
But I rather have you come laugh at my wedding than cry on my coffin when I can't see a thing!


  1. Traditions like that can really give a hard time to someone's life. Thank goodness times have changed and they became lesser. Not that I'm against all traditions, but some are very unfair. I love your words of encouragements to your friend. Have a wonderful week, my dear :)

  2. When my friend saw my reply, she called me back to confirm her attendance - on the spot! (^_^)

    Hope you have a great week to my friend!


A little encouragement,
A small thought,
A simple sentence
To light up my day - Terima Kasih